STORE POLICY
The methodology, posted by the register where nobody reads it.
§1 — The Taste Scale
Every cereal is scored 0–10, decimals allowed. The scale is inherited from years of careful record-keeping and will not be changed, recalibrated, or explained. An 8.5 is a very good morning. Nothing has earned a 10. Nothing may ever earn a 10.
§2 — The Numbers
Nutrition is transcribed from the physical box and cross-checked against USDA FoodData Central where possible. Values are per stated serving. When a label doesn't state a value — protein %DV, poly/mono fats, added sugars — this store prints “not listed” rather than inventing a number. The FDA only requires protein %DV when a protein claim is made; most boxes stay quiet, and so do we.
§3 — What Gets Shelved
Granolas and healthier cereals, weighted toward things a functioning adult eats on purpose: flakes, clusters, high-fiber, high-protein. Neon marshmallow products are outside the jurisdiction of this regulatory body.
§4 — On Clusters
Flakes are only acceptable when accompanied by clusters. This is store policy. Complaints may be filed with the spoon.
§5 — Returns
All opinions are final. No refunds. Total regret: 0.00.